Post 152

You know, there are people in Singapore who avidly collect bus routes leaflets, 'bus-spot', collect SBS/SMRT memorabilia...what an interesting pastime,looking at things we all take for granted as we move from one point to another. I was just thinking that i've never sat on a bus 152. Bus 151 at SJI, at CJC always seems to come every few minutes, and 154 does the same, cept it comes every 2 minutes. Or seems to, anyway, until the only bus you need to take is bus 154. Then it takes half an hour. Murphy just loves doing that to you. Basic law of the universe.

Did you know that sophia means 'wisdom' in greek? Or that the Union Jack is a combination of the crosses of Saint Andrew and Saint George (patron saints of Scotland and England)? Curiosity takes you places you never know where to go from, or end at. Usually the only thing you know is that there is so much more out there to learn. Then what? Is there an end to this pointless quest for knowledge? Is there even a reason? Why do we need to know? Yet why not? New horizons are flung far wide and open because of random knowledge. And knowledge is but humility. Where are we now, with so little humility?

It's just me, me, me. And if it's not, i'd just like to inform the world of how modest i am, or how i don't care about the world. Zero sum, stupid, Doesn't wrk like that. You become what you engage. Whic can work for me. Notice how i'm sounding? Haha. Then wonder what i'm engaging.

This is the endgame. Where to?

This is the point it all boils down and sharpens towards. Now, soon, will be the time to burn, whether n glory or ignominy. This is the endgame.

Where are you now?

Hail, Hail, Alma Mater

I thought i could let go.
But it's never that easy-
How does one let go of oneself?

And it's home again
Just to be here in your midst
Breathing your air
Meeting you
To be in your arms again
You've changed,
But you're still you

After such an age
A flash in your quiet old eyes
You're still you
But anew, alive
In another incarnation

I will always be yours
And this will always be where i belong

I miss you

Let the shield shine brightly in the sun
Our emerald memories
On an Elysian field of white

Let us shine like stars
Through trial by fire and strife
We are one, but we are many
And we will always return

Hail, hail, alma mater
Hail to SJI.

Days Off

Can't stand people who have dental appointments or ear infections.

Half a Year.

Moments in your life where you catch your breath, and then don't breathe out for an eternity. Moments that stop, and twist your life onto an entirely different track. Moments of infinite clarity, like when you stand atop a mountain, and realize what you're really here for.
6 months ago a girl said Yes, to my utter surrpise. I'm still dealing with the aftershock of that. And i hope never to get over it. Because every morning i wake up, and walking to school in the morning stillness im at peace, and a small snug flame glows quietly, knowing she's with me. In this darkness and shivering cold there's actually someone out there with me. And it makes my heart tremble and quiver with joy.
6 months ago she put her hand in mine, and it seemed as if a current jumped from her being into mine. It flowed through me. It flows through me today, that stream of colourless fiery blue delight, and moments when i think about it i wonder how i got so lucky.
I stare at her face, and she asks me what i'm staring at (almost kwasimi, but Not really :P). But i've caught my breath, and my heart's jumping but standing still at the same time. She's lovely, radiant. And at times it seems as if the very vibrant essence of a lifegiiving sun has been caught, enmeshed in her face. She's lovely. And i can't help but simply stare, and smile stupidly at her. And i could stay awake, or fall asleep just to hear her breathing.

I like her a lot.

This is Stupid

This is stupid all stupid. Hopeless, hapless, yellow optimism should justdie of diabetes. It;s disgusting just reading old posts and how happy they sound. Go to hell, yellow gay world. I'm not in the mood for you. You're commercial, oversweet, and sold 2 for 1, seasonal offer. I don't need generic crap sold by some generic brand. I'd rather make my own. So stop convincing me of how happy and hopeful i should be, asshole. I'm angry and cold and dark now and all the emo people in the world should just slash their wrists and save the world some oxygen and blogspace for more sweet and pink sugary-icing crap. And save the world from guys-with-eyeliner-trying-to-llok-pathetic. If you wana go and die, then do it already, stupid.

Stupid, shallow world. Selfish, self-centred earth. No time, there never is enoughm is there? Let's just all wash away in some stupid deluge not sung by some penny-by-the-dozen band made of some lameass Disney Channel losers whom lameass teenage girls think are oh so cute. Yucks. This is stupid. Just so stupid.

I think being a little koi swimming around in a safe and green fishpond is sometimes nicer. Goldfish memory? I'd rather. Then no more need for maths or silly petty emotions. Stupid. This is all so stupid. I'd rather the end of me.

Koi

Can't fight, don't fight
I'm incoherent
This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
The dust settles; i begin to face my future
Darkness and long roads ahead
It's not that there isn't hope.
There just seems no time nor space
Anymore for
Anyhope of
Anychance for
Anysuccess
Quiet doom

A future of oblivion
Settling to the green bottom of a vast and quiet pond
Even as the storm breaks overhead
A memory 3 seconds brief

I'd rather forget.

Short Words

Lepidotera.
Seas of red, but not of blood, of a new nation arising out of the stormy oceans of history. How far the pheonix flies. How long more before it realizes it cannot?
To ashes, and to utter unknowable darkness. Again? But it is dark here. So dark.
Yet this journey was to learn more.
No need, i don't need (nor deserve) you, bright violent flame of loud and garish glory.
I am here to build myself up.
Take out the ground from under me, and re-examine my foundations. Time to lay new
Fundamentals.
Discipline. Or there is nothing.
Humility. Or there is nothing.
I will grow again. The bamboo takes ages to grow yet
When it does
It rises, bursts forth, taller and stronger everyday.
I grow my roots now. And it is dark only because
Under the earth, it is. One day
the sky will be mine
Again to fly in.